Resistance.

I’m reading a book by Donald Miller called “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.” It’s been pretty interesting so far, and he always makes great points I like to highlight and underline to save for later.

One that struck me today was actually from a guy named Steven Pressfield that Miller was quoting. In a book on writing that Pressfield wrote, he said “A writer has to sit down every day and write, regardless of how he feels…you can sit around and wait for inspiration to come, but you’ll never finish [anything].”

Pressfield went on to say that every creative person faces resistance when trying to create something good. “Resistance, a kind of feeling that comes against you when you point toward a distant horizon, is a sure sign that you are supposed to do the thing in the first place.”

This hit me today. I got home from the beach a little while ago. It was hard to leave, as it always is, but this time around it felt different. I’d been looking forward to the trip for a long time, and I knew inside that it was the last real vacation I’d have before school starts. That’s where the resistance came into play.

I always take a last walk down to the ocean when I’m about to leave the beach. Looking out today, the ocean was calm, but there was a dark storm to my right, the south. It was chilly out because it’d been raining off and on all morning, but it felt nice. I went down to the water and stuck my feet in, and knelt down to wash my hands and dip my old Auburn hat (which is my version of Indiana Jones’ fedora). It’s a ritual I go through whenever I leave the ocean. I like to stare out and imagine how far it goes. I turn my back to the commercialism of the area and soak it in to store the memory for when I get home. It’s good to think about when things get overwhelming.

Today was a little different. It was beautiful, but I had a weird feeling in my stomach. I knew it was the thought of school coming up so fast. It was this resistance. Resistance to change, or to something new. School will bring both, and I truly am excited, but I’m nervous too.

My mom was on the beach with me and I told her I haven’t been this nervous about something new since I was 18 and starting college. I’ve done a lot since then, but this one seems BIGGER.

But I like what Miller said, via Pressfield. I’m pointing towards a distant horizon, and I know I’ve got a ways to go before I get there. I like thinking that this hesitation-mixed-with-excitement is a sign that this is something I’m definitely supposed to do.

This got me thinking even more on the way home.

There are things in life where the anticipation is greater than the event. This can be a good thing or a bad thing.

With shots, it’s a good thing, because the anticipation of the event is MUCH bigger than the actual needle, and when you close your eyes and grit your teeth to deal with it, the doctor says it’s over before you even feel it.

With holidays like Christmas, it’s kind of a bad thing. As wonderful as Christmas is, the excitement leading up to the day is always SO GREAT that oftentimes the meaning and the event get overlooked. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas and everything it brings, but it’s always kind of sad the next day when you realize another one has passed.

The resistance I’m feeling about school right now is a combination of both kinds of anticipation. The good kind is there, where I’m nervous about school and taking on the workload, but I know it won’t be nearly as bad as I think it could be. The other kind is there too, where I’m REALLY excited and ready to jump in, knowing I have to embrace it as it comes, because like everything else, it’ll be over before I know it.

I’ve got 11 days of freedom left. I miss the ocean and my family, but I’m ready to enjoy this last bit of time and get the sails ready for the next journey…

D.