Theory Exorcism.

I need something to write about.

Anything. I’m kinda lost at sea. I mean, is writing about not knowing what to write about a topic? I’m drawing blanks here. My creativity is being sucked dry by shitty theory writing for school. The time I put into writing about what I LOVE is being traded for time writing about communication theory and hypothesis.

Not trying to bitch. I guess it’s not truly writer’s block, but “intellectual writer’s block.” My creative mind is currently possessed by a demon made up of textbooks, scholarly journals, and computers. I need an exorcist made up of Nature, Music, and Free Time.

The Music is there. I listen to it on the way to and from school and when I work out. I do my best thinking on my 35 minute drive to school. The ideas flow between chords and songs, and I feel inspired with my coffee and my sunglasses. It’s my second-favorite time of day, besides seeing my lady. I feel happy and ready to take on anything, knowing my ideas will be successful. Only problem is, as soon as I walk into school and turn on my computer, they’re gone.

I don’t really know how to fix this problem yet, and I wouldn’t be writing about it if I did. I’ve always heard that it’s good to “visualize” what you want to happen before you get a chance to MAKE it happen. My lacrosse coach always told us to do this before games, and they say it’s good to do so before interviews. Kind of like a psychological warm-up. I visualize all these ideas, but I can’t make them happen due to lack of Nature and Free Time, so they disappear.

I could try to write them down and save them for later, but then others will pile up. They’re like dreams deferred, and they kind of fade to quiet like the end of a good song. The thought stays, and then the chords of the next one begin and it’s gone.

I’ll figure it out, though. I’m in this thing for the long run, and while I feel like I’ve been a little mislead, I’m still on a path to better things. In the meantime, I’ll keep searching for a way to tip the scales in favor of creativity. I’ll MAKE it shine, damnit. Love it too much not to.

Eight months left, and miles to go before I sleep.

D.